the next best thing

yesterday's mileage: 20

on the iPod: "stronger" -- kanye west

Only twice do the distances of my long runs in preparation for Oklahoma City begin with the number 2. One 20 miler and one 22 miler. I had been zeroing on this run for a few weeks now and began to get really excited about it mid-week. Knowing that Mrs. Pugh was going to be visiting family in Kansas City, and that Mrs. Murie would be at the beach, I was prepping myself to go it alone. The challenge was immense, but I wanted to give it a shot. I was extremely excited about it. It never dawned on me to pay attention to the weather forecast. That was a boneheaded move.

The alarm went off at 6:00 a.m. and as I got ready for the run I decided, almost incidentally, to turn on the news. Probably just to have some noise in the house more than anything else. There was local weather dude pointing out the massive clouds hovering over not only Northwest Arkansas, but also clouds heading west from Oklahoma. Upon stepping outside, I instantaneously realized that weather dude had gotten it right for once. No rain was falling, but it was definitely cloudy and windy. My heart sank and I realized that a 20 miler wasn't in the cards. I'd have to wait.

I pouted around the house for about 10 minutes and grudgingly decided to suck it up and go to the last resort. A treadmill. The possibility of rain were too much to risk. So I packed up and headed to the Fayetteville Athletic Club, where fate awaited me for the next four hours: mindless running like a lab rat in a hamster wheel. The drive there seemed to take forever. I lost any sort of excitement or anticipation that I had and wanted to go home and go back to bed. I had so very much been looking forward to this morning and the solitude, endurance, and determination that 20 miles brings. Demands. It's never the same to run indoors. It's just not.

The first two miles were labored. I skipped the chance to plug my earphones into the mounted television directly in front of me, deciding rather to go with my iPod on shuffle, hoping that a great playlist would make it more bearable. Anytime that I'm not in the best of moods, music is my go-to boost.

It wasn't until mile four that I plugged in to the television, as the cast of Stand By Me was reunited on the Today show. A seminal coming-of-age story that literally blew up in the mid-eighties, I must have watched it 100 times growing up. I wanted to be friends with those boys and do extraordinary things; like walking in the countryside looking for something so dark and unimaginable that awaited. I wanted to tell stories and goof around with them in a kick-ass tree house. I wanted to be part of a group. To feel like a member.

Written in a collection of short stories by Stephen King, the dialogue between the four friends is timeless. That same collection also produced an even better film, The Shawshank Redemption. Although it's rare that I watch movies, both of those are on a short list that I truly love. They stir emotion that is visceral and palpable. It's a guarantee that i'll cry at some point while watching either. They make me hopeful.

The hail and heavy rain started shortly thereafter, affirming that running indoors was the right decision. As much as treadmills suck, running in heavy rain sucks even more. I watched it pour through the wall-to-ceiling window on my left and got angry that the weather had robbed me of something I needed. I couldn't think rationally about the the randomness of weather patterns and my long run schedule. I could only focus on the fact that I had been looking forward to my long run outdoors and wasn't getting it.

But then things changed. I can't explain why, they just did. My mom would say it's a "god thing". She's probably right. The miles increased, the rain decreased, and I began to think about things in a different light. Rather than being angry for not being able to run outside, I realized just how blessed I am to be able to run at all. Rather than sulking and bitching to myself about things I can't control, I started to think about the people in my life that make me so happy to be alive. After taking a very quick break at mile 10, I knocked out the second half with energy and focus. It wasn't the ideal run that I had been excited about, but it was the next best thing. I did the entire run in about twenty minutes short of four hours.

Sometimes I get so excited in life about things that make me happy, and when they don't work out exactly as planned, I tend to let it ruin my day. I don't know if that's a function of human nature or my own personality, but it's probably not the best coping mechanism. I have to remember that everything happens for a reason and that, in the long run, i'm going to be okay. And I have to be ever-thankful for what I have and the people in my life. A 20-miler on a treadmill could have been about as miserable as it gets, but I chose to take it on and enjoy each mile. And for the most part it worked.

The sun never did make an appearance, which is okay. It served as the perfect backdrop to come home and relax on the couch, which is what I did. Twenty miles can do a number on a man's legs, inviting the oddly comforting throbbing and burn that runners crave. I spent the afternoon napping in and out of consciousness, with an old, worn-out copy of Stand By My playing quietly in the background. In that moment, everything was okay.

Run.