time to think

weekend mileage:  none
on the iPod:  "the best of what's around" -- the DMB

I'll be the first to admit that i'm a handful and probably more than a little bit hard to deal with from time to time.  I've got a pretty good idea of how the world works, and when it doesn't go as planned somebody is gonna hear about it from me.  I can only imagine what my friends and family say about my moods, but i'm pretty sure they could probably write an entire book.  Yep, that's me.  I'm just a dang mess most of the time.  

But the other side of the coin, I suppose, is a pretty cool guy in some ways.  I know how to listen, and almost always choose to do so.  I don't drive fast.  I will help do things for my friends and colleagues.  I smile and laugh a lot.  I am almost always on time and I will bring something to things where you're supposed to bring something.  I think.  I go to church regularly.  

And then there's the real me.  The guy who remembers growing up very different and not knowing how to fix it back then, so instead just staying away from the really mean people and laughing off the name-calling from everybody else, trying to act as if it didn't hurt deeply.  Back then, all those years ago, when I thought about my future, it always revolved around living alone in an apartment far away from Arkansas and having minimal contact with my parents.  The images were always in black and white.  And in some ways, even today, I hide deep inside my own head, not willing to say what is dying to come out of my mouth for fear that it's the wrong thing that will lead to more judgement.  So instead the mask comes on every single morning, but i've grown to wear it well.  Even like it.  Look good in it.  

One day, about 14 years ago I think, I got up and ran about 2/3 of the way down the main street of my neighborhood full of rental houses.  I don't remember the exact details, but I do know that it felt cumbersome, so I walked back and sat down on the couch again.  Soon thereafter, maybe the next day, I did it again.  And again.  And again.  I can't remember what spawned me to give it a try, but for whatever reason I did.  That was the first time in my life that I had done anything athletic.  When I was a kid I played on tee ball and soccer teams not to disappoint my parents, but I didn't really participate.  Fast forward to today and, even though i'm very much the kid that still hides in his head because he doesn't know how to fix it, my life is completely different in myriad ways.  I am a runner.

Running changed everything for me.  I found this great thing that could be done singularly but around other people.  It allowed me to have headphones for music, which is something that I now realize has been a passion for me from day one.  I got cool things for participating, like t-shirts and bibs.  (And later on, medals.)  It gave me a sense of accomplishment for completing distances like a mile.  Who knew that I could run a mile!  And, eventually, I allowed myself to open up and meet the greatest group of people that i've ever imagined -- people who love me for who I am.  No caveats, no exceptions.  I know that's what I needed the most and I found it laced up on the earliest of Saturday mornings ready to follow the trail to wherever it may lead. 

I've completed six marathons, am slated to run my seventh in just a few weeks, more half marathons that I can count, 10K's in every imaginable weather and terrain, and at least two 5K's for every charity organization that's out there, but I think my most favorite runs are those quiet, solo training runs around Lake Fayetteville.  Traveling to a major metropolitan for the weekend is the funnest way that I can think to spend one, waiting in a corral with thousands of other runners is pure adrenaline, running mile 14 with great friends is a happy event, crossing the finish line like a boss, well that's just sexy, but nothing can touch the feeling of running solo on a quiet trail under a blanket of sunshine and breezy clouds.  It brings tears to my eyes and reminds me that i'm in the presence of God.  

I often think about this blog and how much i've grown to enjoy writing it.  In some ways, it brings as much joy to me as running does, but in a very different way.  I often wonder who stumbles upon it and what they might think.  I know a handful of friends and colleagues who read it regularly, but beyond those people, I have no idea of it's trajectory through space.  I often wonder if people know who i'm talking about when I mention the people I love, and on more than a few occasions, i've thought I should do a short bio.  So here goes.

• Mrs. Murie.  Kim Murie is my best good running friend, with whom I run frequently. Like all the time.  I call her Mrs. Murie because she used to be a teacher at BHS and I got used to calling her that in front of students.  She's a gorgeous person inside and out and knows me better as a runner than anybody else. 

• Don and Cynthia Puckett.  Those are my parents.  And, yes, I call them Don and Cynthia.  I'm not for sure why, but I stopped saying mom and dad years ago.  At any rate, they are the most loving people I've ever met and they support everything I do %110.  Don is retired from the railroad and Cynthia is a dental hygienist on her way to retirement.  She has taken care of my teeth my whole life and I don't know who will do that when she retires.

• Abe Lincoln.  Abe was my labrador retriever mutt that I had for 15 years.  After an amazing life and friendship, I said goodbye to him last summer.  There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him, particularly when running solo.  He was the calmest, sweetest, most loving dog around and I dearly miss him.  He once ate an entire bowl of peanuts and M+M's I had for a post-run party.  So there's that.

• Deanna Duplanti.  Deanna is the stuff of running lore in Northwest Arkansas.  A spitfire of a lady, she and I met years ago in mile four of my very first Chile Pepper 10K.  She saddled right up next to me and told me that I could finish.  She didn't know me from a ham sandwich, but she could instinctively tell that I was having a hard time.  She was right.  A very genuine friendship has grown between the two of us at more races than I can count and now I lean on her for advice and guidance.  Deanna has run every single Oklahoma City Marathon to date.  She is beautiful.  

• Jamie Huneycutt.  Jamie is probably my most favorite runner that i've met in the last few years, after randomly talking to her at Run For The Grapes a few years back.  She's awesome!  Like Deanna, she's become more than a friend, but also a go-to for advice on running.  We had the best time road tripping to Nashville Marathon last year and I hope we do it again soon.  I mean that!  She's always happy and laughing loudly.  Fun fact:  she's run over 100 marathons/ultramarathons and is currently working on running one in all 50 states.  She marked Connecticut off the list a few days ago.

• Patty Pain.  Everybody knows Patty.  She takes care of us when we aren't 100%.  She can work on feet, legs, ankles, calves, thighs, shoulders, backs, butts, you name it.  She is the sweetest when she knows it's gonna hurt, so just bite down on a towel and get ready.  But we all love her because she loves us back and truly wants the best for her athletes.

• Susan and Charles Carey.  Susan is my sister and Charles is her son, my nephew.  I love them both so very much and am happy that they are in my life.  Susan and I have both come a long way in life, and we are very similar at our core.  We used to fight like brothers and sisters do, but are great friends as adults.  I can't say much about Charles because i'll get emotional, but he's the best little nephew I could ever ask for.  He's so incredibly sweet and I light up on the inside when I see him.

• Sarah Hood and Amanda Coussole.  Sarah and Amanda are running friends that are really fun and cool people!  I met Sarah first, but have known them both for a few years now and always enjoy talking to them. They also both have amazing blogs about running, their families, and other stuff.  Sarah's husband, Jeff, is an old work colleague as well.  I like that dude.  Amanda is fast.  Like Boston fast.  Sarah and I are proud to bring up the rear at most races.

• Heather.  Heather is a friend within my crowd of nonrunning friends who also happens to run.  That makes no sense at all.  Heather is in my group of friends, but she also runs.  In fact, she's running the New York City Marathon, too.  Woot!  She and I are very different people but enjoy each other's company nonetheless.  She love the New Orleans Saints!  Who dat?!? 

• Todd.  He's the main squeeze.  He's a mess.  He is a tri-atha-lon.  Things are better when he's around.  

• And then there's Mrs. Pugh.  None of this would have ever started without Sarah Pugh.  I mean that.  She's a teacher at BHS as well, and when I first started teaching there years ago I was intimidated by her.  Ha!  But then we kinda got to know each other and she asked me to train for a half-marathon with her.  I didn't want to but couldn't say no, so I planned to start and drop out half way.  That's the simple truth of it.  The rest is history and today she is my best friend.  Hands down. 

The New York City Marathon is three weeks away and I think that i'm ready.  In fact, I know that I am.  Running is the single most defining moment in my life, and I can't imagine who I would be without it.  It makes me feel like I am right with this world and that I have a place in which I fit.  It makes me feel like i'm not that scared kid anymore, but instead a guy moving forward, ready to experience life to the fullest, whatever that may be.

Run.