running (thinking) in circles

While the following words and thoughts are uniquely my own, as they always are, today’s writing has been inspired by a really kind, intelligent, and generally amazing person.  I asked if I could loosely build on his thoughts and he graciously obliged.  

Race courses and training routes come in all shapes and sizes, but basically fall into one of three categories:  out-and-backs, loops, and point-to-points.  They have similar characteristics:  inclines, declines, sharp turns, bridges, tunnels, bike traffic, sunlight, shade; but they differ in how they start and finish.  Allow me to explain.

An out-an-back course starts at a given point, travels a certain distance, then does a complete 180 degree turn and goes back the same route.  It’s like running from point A to B, then going back to point A.  Out-and-backs are good because they allow the runner to use water drops twice, they’re easily manipulatable if said runner wants to shorten or lengthen the overall distance, and because the turn-around serves as a half-way mark, which can be a much-needed confidence booster.  Detractors will say that out-and-backs increase the boredom factor of seeing the same terrain twice.

Loops are courses that start and end at the same point and roughly follow a circular route that doesn’t repeat itself.  They’re great for seeing new things through the entire run and are great for the runner that tends to bore easily.  They can sometimes be a challenge when trying to run long distances, because loops over five or six miles can be tough to find without a race director on hand to close down streets.  (Note to self:  hire a personal race director when Life Laced Up finally goes viral and I make millions.  Also buy my own Starbucks store.)

Point-to-points are probably the easiest course for a non-runner to understand.  They simply mean running from one point to another.  They’re also probably the rarest of routes available, because they usually require some mode of transportation back to the start.  

Of the nine marathons i’ve completed, eight of them have been loops, with only the New York City Marathon being a point-to-point course, starting on Staten Island and ending in Central Park.  Afterward, I shuffled about a mile on weary legs back to our hotel in Times Square.  My tenth, the 2014 Chicago Marathon, will be a loop as well.

When I have my druthers, I’m a out-and-back kind of guy.  Hands down.  I very much get a charge at the turn-around point, knowing that i’m half way done and looking forward to the burn in my legs that I know is coming.  Loops are okay every once in a while, but I can only do one lap.  Going the second or third time around makes me feel like i’m running in circles, and that’s never good.  Here’s why:

I have a tendency to over think the minutia of life and become fixated on things that shouldn’t matter, particularly when it comes to relationships with friends and gaining their approval.  I know that this character flaw is a hold over from my childhood, but nevertheless i’ve not been able to shake it.  My life journey has been millions of miles so far, most of it in running shoes, but i’m still vulnerable at my core.  Because of this, sometimes it just becomes easier for me to exist alone.  I think my friends know that I can be aloof, and I hope they understand that it’s not a dig on how I feel about them, but instead the exhaustion of my own thoughts.  

There were a few times this week that I fell prey to thinking in circles and fixating on a particular concern that I had blown out of proportion in my own mind, worrying that I wouldn’t be able to make friends happy.  In fact, I spent the better part of Thursday convinced that everything was going wrong and that it was my fault, to the point of distraction from work and not being able to live in the moment.  I’ve wasted countless hours and experiences over the years in this very exercise.  Looking back at it now, I can acknowledge that I was thinking irrationally and making assumptions that weren’t fair to me or anybody else.  When I think in circles I know i’m at my worst, but it’s sometimes hard for me to think in straight lines.  

Unless I put on running shoes.  Almost instantaneously, my cognition is redirected to a place of purpose and strength, to focus and peace, to patience and well-being.  I allow my legs to clear my mind, focusing instead on my heart rate and the lush surroundings of Northwest Arkansas.  I often turn my thoughts to the wonderful people in my life, showing thanks in my own way for the blessings i’ve accrued with each human interaction.  In that moment I stop thinking in circles, and the bright clarity of unconditional love for self and others fills my lungs to capacity and pulses through every cell of my being, radiating outward to all the world. Suddenly i’m at my best.

Run.