an "oh, sh*t!" moment

weekend mileage:  18
on the iPod:  "all apologies" -- nirvana

Though it's now an experience that is finally beginning to fade from my every thought, NYC wiped me out.  Emotionally, physically, and cognitively.  The entire week leading up to the race was spent watching coverage of the city and waiting for the next development.  Will it get cancelled?  Is LaGuardia open?  Are the taxis running?  How is the electric grid?  Is the hotel flooded?  Do we go or bail?  I had a gut feeling the whole time to defer until next year, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.  I let passion for running get in the way of making the best decision and I paid the price for it.  Of course our hindsight is always perfect, but I should have jumped at the chance to wait until next year.  I know that now.  Admitting that glaring misstep is embarrassing and involves swallowing my pride just a bit. 

When I got back, the feeling of exhaustion made me want to lay low for a while and allow time for rest.  I desperately wanted to run as well, but the need to hole up was greater.  I think it was no coincidence that I came down with a pretty thick head cold, sidelining me from the trails and my running shoes for over a week.  It was my body's way of dealing with the hoopla.  Slow down.  Stop.  Enough is enough.

So I rested.  A lot.  Outside of working, I did very little other than sleep.  I drank my orange juice and ate chicken soup and took cold medicine.  But mostly I just existed without running.  That may sound pompous, even ostentatious, but its the truth.  I did everything I could to not run, talk about running, plan my day around running, or even think about it.  I just felt the need to give it up for a while.  

But like all feelings, it was only for a short while.  I didn't force myself to recover from the cold quickly, but I definitely knew what I wanted to do as soon as it was over, and the timing was perfect, as school was winding down for Thanksgiving break.  After not having the energy to do barely anything, I suddenly found myself feeling markedly better and five days off from work.  It was time to run.  

The first of two Thanksgiving break runs, on Wednesday, was deliberately unplanned.  I knew that I wanted to go out for some mileage, but didn't want to put a number to it beforehand because I didn't know how I would feel.  By this point it had been eleven days since i'd even laced up my running shoes, and I knew I needed to ease back in.  I started out feeling great, but began to feel dizzy around mile four and couldn't shake it.  I thought I might pass out.  Coming really close to turning around, I instead slowed my pace by about 30 seconds and continued on.  I can count on one hand the number of times i've felt dizzy while running, and it's always one of those "oh, shit!" moments when it happens, because I never want to stop but know that conventional wisdom dictates that I probably should.  Getting dizzy is one of the ways our body tells us that something is wrong, right?  Ultimately I got my wits about me, avoided passing out, and ceased wobbling down the trail for the final five miles back to Starbucks.  It felt great to be back running.  

It felt so great, in fact, that I pulled the trigger and registered for the Dallas Marathon in two weeks!  This wasn't an impulse decision by any stretch, as I was already registered for the half marathon, so technically I just paid the additional fee and upgraded.  It was something that i'd been thinking about doing since NY got cancelled.  In fact, I thought about it as a possibility even while we were still at the expo in midtown Manhattan.  I've always enjoyed going to The Big D and think it's going to be a great substitution for The Big Apple, because at the end of the day, a marathon is a marathon, whether there are 48,000 runners from all over the world or 480 locals gathered in their hometown.  The spirit of the event lies in personal journey, celebration of athleticism, and camaraderie amongst peoples.  The city and the course and the medal and the pictures?  They're all a huge part, but they're secondary.   

So with upgrading to the full comes a quick turn-around training plan, which precipitated the second run of the Thanksgiving break, an 18-miler yesterday.  It was cold and sunny and nearly perfect, with the right mix of energy and pace coupled with pain and effort.  Instead of tapering, i'll try to do a 20 miler next weekend and let the cards fall where they may.  It's certainly not the traditional way of going about a marathon, but then again i'm not really the traditional runner, and I seem to have done just fine so far, that is when the weather holds up.

I've got so much to be thankful for: my family are completely perfect (happy 66th birthday, Cynthia Puckett!), my friends are abundantly loving, I get to teach students at one of the best high schools around, and the doors of my Episcopal parish are always open.  For all of these blessings I give thanks.  I must also give thanks for the passion i've found in running, as it has permanently changed my life for the better.  I want to embrace that passion every single chance I get, and plan to do just that in a giant Texas-sized way in a few weekends.  I can't wait.  

Run 26.2.